Do you remember yesterday? We brought you news of the Colin Farrell sex tape that briefly hit the internet and Lindsay Lohan calling a respected Vanity Fair writer a big stinkin' liar. And there was something else. It was so long ago we can't quite remember. Oh, right, that's it. Angelina Jolie was all knocked up 'n' shit. Those were good times, weren't they? There'll never be another day quite like it. And it just kept on getting better when Brad Pitt finally opened his publicist's relationship-denying mouth and confirmed his virility.

Brad Pitt's publicist, one Cindy Guagenti, may not be the most verbose individual, but she gets the job done. She released this statement yesterday:

"I can confirm they are expecting. There isn't a lot more to say."

At first we were doing cartwheels around the office and starting our "__ days until __ Jolie-Pitt is legal" countdown calendar (We're such pervs we don't even give two shits what sex it is. Either was it's gonna be hot). But then we re-read that sentence and noticed a few publicist tricks. The first three words are pretty straightforward. "I (Cindy Guagenti) can (am able to) confirm (avow to be true)" but then it breaks down. We assume that "they" refers to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, but we stopped assuming things once our mother sewed us a very itchy donkey costume and made us wear it whenever we assumed anything. Perhaps Guagenti is referring to her pet parakeets, Elvis and Fluffers, who are perched in their cage at the edge of her desk. And it breaks down even further from there. If we once again put on our assuming hats, we infer that "expecting" means that Pitt and Jolie (the assumed "they") are painting little daisies on the nursery-room walls. But perhaps Elvis and Fluffers are the ones expecting, and what they are expecting is a nice treat of some toasted sunflower seeds. See, we've been in this business a long time (we pre-date Bennifer, people), and we've learned never to trust a publicist. Or a tabloid. Basically, until we see the Brad Pitt-filmed delivery-room video, we will always believe that Ange has a pillow taped to her stomach. That's just how untrusting we really are.

(And we know you really want to hear about Jennifer Aniston's feelings on the situation. Well, apparently she doesn't have any. Her spokesman said, "Jennifer is not in the practice of commenting on the lives of other people." Thanks for sharing, Jen. Even poor, barren Jennifer Lopez was able to squeak out an "I wish them the best" to her baby-making ex. Are you made of stone, Aniston?)

Angelina's definitely not pregnant at MrSkin.com.

And neither is Brad at MaleStars.com.