It's a scientific fact that all men are peculiarly titillated when the object of their desire shows no interest in them. The more indifferent the prey seems, the more tasty it appears. So now you understand why Brad Pitt, who--let's face it--could have any man, woman, or child he desired, has been reduced to a teeny tiny squalling little baby girl by Angelina Jolie, who, although she has the #1 universal lust object squirming under her thumb, still insists on enjoying vaginal favors of ladyfriends past.

Model, actress, erstwhile mechanic, and big ole lezzie-bean Jenny Shimizu began bumping gorditas with Ang way back in 1996, when the pair costarred in Foxfire. Jenny claims that they've remained, you know, intimate, throughout Angelina's marriages to Jonny Lee Miller and Billy Bob Thornton, throughout the adoptions and the movies and the blood vials and the brotherfucking and everything. In a new documentary called Angelina - Saint or Sinner? for English TV's Sky One, Jenny snitches about her famous clam-jousting cohort:

"It seems like [Brad] comes from a different place. He wants to have kids and he wants to have a perfect marriage. She's a tough woman who will do everything she wants to. I don't think there is any way of controlling Angelina. She's not going to be a housewife . . .

"There has never been an end to her and I. I think there never will be. She's always had lovers that she relies on. If she can ring you and you can meet up then she can take care of her sexual needs. Whenever she calls me up I visit her. She's the person I'll always care about and always help and always be there for . . .

"She is beautiful. Her mouth is amazing. I've never kissed anyone with a bigger mouth than Angelina. It's like two water beds - it's like this big kind of warm, mushy, beautiful thing."

OK, can someone please attempt to explain to us why, exactly, your Jonny Lees and your Shimizus would brag in interviews about boffing the lust object of 99% of Earthlings? Because, if we were incredibly famous movie stars with a penchant for discreet no-strings-attached sexual encounters with exes, the last thing we'd want is our porkees blabbing to the press. But alas, we remain incredibly famous gossip bloggers of the world wide internets with a penchant for indiscreet no-strings-attached sexual encounters with primates. So basically, we don't know jack about dick. Carry on, Angelina.

If you haven't seen Angelina Jolie naked by now, there is no hope for you. Go to MrSkin.com immediately.

Yes, you can also see Jenny Shimizu naked at MrSkin.com; thanks for asking.