Sharon Osbourne may not really be relevant or interesting or cute or nice or talented or intelligent or a good dancer or a gourmet chef or a great parent or naturally sweet-smelling or--wait, what were we saying? Oh yeah. Sharon Osbourne may not be relevent, but she sure is high-larious, especially when she's taking the piss out of the insufferable Madonna.

Some quotes need no introduction, so let's just pull the string on her back and let Sharon spew forth her opinion of the Material Girl:

"It's like dressing up with her. One day you're in fucking gun gear, then you're in horsing gear, then you dress like a fucking dyke, then you dress like a hooker, then you're in a flowery dress reading kids' poetry looking like a fucking librarian - then you're back looking like an old hooker again. For fuck's sake, who are you? At that age, you should know who you are, what bloody religion you are and what you represent. You can't be all things to everyone and true to yourself. I don't care who you are . . . You can't one day be in Horse And Hound and the next in Dyke Weekly . . . Oh, [not letting her children watch TV] is fucking ridiculous, crap, fuck off - what a load of bollocks! And writing those painful silly books and reading them to your kids! If my mum came to me with a book like that I'd say, 'Fucking stick it up your arse'. Fucking English Roses - bollocks."