You can stop egging Jessica Alba's house now. It's not Halloween anymore, she's never going to notice you, and you're violating your restraining order. Also, there's no need to be angry with her anymore--apparently, she is not the one to blame for her acute lack of film flesh.

Jessica recently complained that she never gets A-list scripts that include, uh, classy nudity.

"The scripts I get are always for the whore, or the motorcycle chick in leather, or the horny maid. I get all these screenplays that start, 'Tawnya is in the shower. The water streams down her naked, perky breasts.' Somehow, I don't think this is happening to Natalie Portman."

Yeah, except Natalie recently played a stripper. And so did you, actually, Jessica. So shut your foodhole.

However, the main obstacle in Jessica's path to sin seems to be her father. Although he surely bathed her and changed her diapers (not to mention the stuff he did when she was a kid), it sounds like he'd go all Hulk and rip shit up if his daughter appeared unpeeled in a movie:

"I'm going to have to face that when a big director who I really respect has an amazing story, it might be necessary to do a nude scene. But I probably couldn't sleep well at night being naked in anything. My father would lose his mind."

On behalf of Jessica Alba, we'd like to make the following plea to her father: "But DAAAAAAD! All the other girls are naked in movies! Anne Hathaway and Paris and Christina Ricci and everyone. God, even that goody-goody Mandy Moore showed some nip! And her parents are, like, totally Christian and stuff! You're such a fascist! I swear to God you'd make me wear long-sleeved Mormon dresses if you could. I hate you! I totally hate you! I wish I was never born!" And now we're going to run to our room and cut ourselves with a rusty Daisy safety razor for extra effect.

Jessica's Nude Review. Ohhhh yeah. At MrSkin.com.