Oh, for crying out loud in a bucket. We skip town for one second to stuff bone-dry turkey and various sundry beige foods into our maws, and Nick and Jessica go and officially announce their split, the pitiless fiends.

Oh, you brutes. You callous SOBs, you dastardly bastards. No longer will Thanksgiving be associated with pumpkin pie, quality time with loved ones, and yams plenteous with mini marshmallows. From now on, it will forever be known as The Day Love Died. Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, in a move so staggeringly evil it rivaled Pitt's defection to Jolie, released a joint statement confirming their long-suspected split.

"After three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have decided to part ways. This is the mutual decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other."

And by "part ways", we can only assume they mean that Jessica's outfits will get whorier and whorier while Nick finds himself starring in a Hamilton, OH, production of Blythe Spirit. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Nick won't vibe you anymore if you look at perty pictures of Jessica at MrSkin.com.