Like the rest of you, we watched Britney and Kevin: Chaotic with a combination of fear, revulsion, glee, confusion, and explosive diarrhea. Like you, we thought to ourselves, "Selves, it is a possibility--nay, a given--that these two mental pygmies have one or two or thirty sex tapes hanging around their home, most likely not well-hidden." Well, we're all a bunch of regular Encyclopedia Browns and Flossie Bobbseys because we were right! Oh, God help us. We were right.

Our gossip lodestar, the punctuation-happy FemaleFirst, brings us the news that a member of Britney's "entourage" has made a copy of a sex tape depicting the singer and her pet wigger/husband K-Fed Kaballin' on camera. A mysterious source told US Weekly, "[The former employee] has threatened to release raunchy footage of the two taken before Spears looked pregnant." Footage of his cornrowed father sweeping his mother's preggo chimney is certainly something the expecting parents would want to save to show Sean Preston someday. Honestly, America, do you really want to see this footage? This is not the six pack abs Britney of yore. This is six pack of Mountain Dew Britney, and moreover, the tape involves Kevin Federline's weenis. Look deep and hard inside your soul. The term "deep and hard" not withstanding, do you really, really want to see this? If your answer is still "yes" (and don't lie, it is), thrill to the following tidbit: PageSix.com reports that the Federspears legal team viewed the original tape and it "elicited laughter and disgust." OK, now you want to see it more than ever. Did we say "you"? We meant "we".

Brit's Nude Review! Feel it! At MrSkin.com.