Listen, we don't know how this happened, but apparently, the sperm that live inside the hallowed nutbag of Tom Cruise managed to SOMEHOW get inside Katie Holmes's womanly fissure and make new life. According to Tom's publicist/sister, the thetanless Lee Ann DeVette, the happy couple is pregnant. DeVette is quoted as saying, "IT'S ALIVE! IT'S ALIIIIIIIVE! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Details to follow after they're made available, and after we get done shivering and retching and wailing and punching ourselves in the solar plexus.