Today, our gossip docent FemaleFirst reports that Kate Moss was caught in a "cocaine shocker"--photos of the model blowing Olsen twin-sized lines off a CD case lovingly adorn the front page of today's Daily Mirror. A 98 lb. international supermodel millionairess who's dating a smack/crack addict musician indulges in the toots? Shocker, indeed.

The English are better than us in every way. Not only do they have really good beer and fancy accents that make them sound real smart, their tabloids are way dirtier. We sincerely doubt In Touch or American OK! would publish photos of one of its golden children doing the drugs, let alone splash said pictures on the cover. Nor would they employ such flowery creative writing techniques in the fictionalized account of Kate's drug orgy:

"As the white powder induces a sudden rush to her brain, she rocks back in her seat and laughs hysterically. The coke is kicking in.

Within seconds she leans forward and again sniffs into a tightly rolled-up £5 note, hoovering up every last grain of the Class A drug.

Using a mammoth stash, which she kept safely wrapped in her handbag, Kate - mother of a two-year-old daughter - has no qualms about being seen with the illegal drugs.

[Boyfriend, Babyshambles singer Pete] Doherty and some of his mates mill around, eager to join the binge and impatiently asking to help prepare the drugs.

At one point the Croydon-born beauty - the face of Rimmel, Chanel, Calvin Klein and Christian Dior - loses her patience with one of crackhead Doherty's friends and insists: 'I'll do it. I'll do it.'"

Hey, if you're going to be a cokehead, it's better to be a self-sufficient perfectionist cokehead. Nobody likes a hapless whiner who can't even win her own Dio coke mirror at the Buckwood County Fair.

Postscript: in addition to Kate, the Babyshambleses, and various sundry crackheads, the Clash's Mick Jones dipped into Kate's bag o' fun, giving new meaning to the song "White Riot".

Examine Kate's pupils, amongst other, sexier, things, at MrSkin.com.