• Arnold Schwarzenegger just can't seem to keep his hands off the dames, and now one of his extramarital playmates is claiming that she was paid off by the Enquirer. Listen, if you were married to Skeletor, wouldn't you be blindly grabbing any ripe flesh that happened to pass by?


• Kate Moss's mom has a loving nickname for her daughter's paramour Pete Doherty: Crackhead. Fitting since . . . well, since he just got arrested in Oslo for posession of heroin and crack.


• Winona! Where ya been, girlfriend? Oh, and where'd you get that cute belt? How much did it cos--oh.


• Paula Abdul to return to Idol and thanks her "fans around the world" for their support. Wait, she means these ones, right?


• Puffy Sean John Diddy P. Combs Daddy is now just "Diddy". He says the new name is "more rock n' roll" and we agree. Just saying "Diddy diddy diddy!" makes us feel like we're in Mott the Hoople!


• Marcia Cross is frigid.


• Britney sez: screw the homeless, screw poverty, and triple screw AIDS; I'm putting my cash towards more red string thingies for toddlers!