• Natalie Portman: Last of the Mohicans.


• Dear Russell Crowe: PLEASE PUNCH US. WE NEED THE CASH.


• Scar-Jo and Josh Hartnett (Jo-Ho?) move in together! Eh, it's destined to fail. "Scarlett Hartnett" just sounds so douchey.


• Fleck's million-pound pits.


• Annie Hall is porking Ted "Theodore" Logan.


• Ohhhh, when Keef says Mick has a laughably tiny weenis, that's supposed to be a compliment. We see, we see.


• Does a rapper sire twelve billion babies and have two wives? Mos Def!