Normally, when a star checks into a hospital, it's because he or she is A) suffering from the extremely virulent Tinseltown wasting disease Exhaustion, B) knocked the hell up, or C) Michael Jackson. Brad Pitt's in the sick bay, reportedly suffering from the flu, but at the rate he and Angelina are going, what with the adoptions and the frenzied African humpfests and all, we're going to have to go with excuse B.

Dateline: Tuesday! Brad checks his chiseled features into Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles. Although no official diagnosis has been made, his publicist, Cindy Guagenti, said that he was suffering from "flu-like symptoms". Which could mean anything from the flu to malaria to a Jolie-transmitted STD. But we have a sneaking suspicion that Brad may have picked up a nice souvenir from his African travels; namely, a nice case of dysentery. "Flu" sounds so much more acceptable than "imagine your favorite romantic hero of the silver screen sweating, tinged with green, and wasting away, his frighteningly well-sculpted buttocks quivering inches from the john as he expels gallons upon gallons of fetid liquified feces into its murky depths," n'est-ce pas?

So much Brad to be had. Dig those abs at MaleStars.com.