• Brad Pitt has been diagnosed with viral meningitis. Whatever. We still think cuz got the dysentery.


• The Butterscotch Stallion develops a taste for chocolate.


• Hey, Scarlett. Why don't you take a fricking picture, it'll last longer.


• We have trouble believing that even the most desperate kiddiefucker in a roving gang of Hollywood pedophiles would be hard up enough to want to molest Corey Feldman.


• Meee-yow! Anna Nicole, you delicious bitch!


• Tom Cruise gives his 11-year-old costar Dakota Fanning a cell phone. Now he can beam Scientology propaganda directly into her easily-molded young brain, and she can call her coke dealer without being hassled by the 'rents. Everybody wins!


• You Know It's a Slow Gossip Day When: Angela Lansbury's knee surgery makes top headlines. Godspeed, Mrs. Potts!