Angelina Jolie has had a baby! Oh God! Oh Jesus! Oh heavenly spirit! It is true! She is some sort of freakish, magical creature who can gestate and birth the physically glorious progeny of Pitt mere days after pregnancy rumors start to circulate! Within six months the pair will have produced a veritable army of facially flawless children, an acting dynasty comparable to the Barrymores, only without all the severe alcoholism!

Oh, wait. Wait, she adopted the baby? Oh.

Well, like, doesn't that usually take a few months or something? And she did it in a few weeks? Well, that's still sort of impressive. I guess.

Ask and ye shall receive: Brad Pitt's made no bones about the fact that he wants babies and he wants them now, and Ang has complied faster than a speeding womb. The adoption process is rumored to be nearly complete, and by the end of the day, she'll legally be the mother of newborn Zahara Marley Jolie, an Ethiopian infant who lost both her biological parents to AIDS.

However, the pregnancy rumors continue to fly, stoked for the most part by Brad's brother, Doug Pitt, who is most certainly out of Brad's will after blabbing to an Australian magazine: "He [Brad] called to give the family the news [of the pregnancy]. After all that's gone on the last few months, we're so happy for them. Brad and Angelina have come through a rough ride, but they're made for each other. Brad just wants to love and care for Angelina during her pregnancy, and they've decided they're better off out of the way in England." Well! If it is true, and she is preggo, little Zahara will make a jolly shield to hide that burgeoning bump. Much better than a shopping bag. Yeah, we're looking at you, Demi Moore.

Pics und clips of Ang with no clothes . . . at MrSkin.com.