During a sexual dry spell, Teri Hatcher says she entertained the thought of hiring a rent boy. "I thought about a male hooker," she said. "It would be like getting your carpet cleaned and there was a spot they didn't get out. You would feel safe saying 'I need you to get this spot out or I'm not paying you.'" We're not sure where she was aiming to go with that noggin-scratching simile, but we like thinking about Teri's carpet just the same.

Following the break-up of her marriage to John Tenney, the former Lois Lane and current Desperate Housewives star says she went without porking for four long and lonely years. Weenis-for-hire fantasies aside, Teri found a sexual outlet via an electrical outlet: "I don't know what I need a man for--I've some fabulous electronics to use instead," she told FHM. When recently asked if her dry spell was over, her answer was "I'm satisfied with my life, put it that way." That's great, Teri, but are you having sex?