We’ve been neglecting the all-important 8-13 demographic lately, but damn it if Justin Bieber hasn’t been toeing the line and keeping his nose clean lately. So instead, we turn to Twilight and its cache of celibate Mormon monsters. A preview of the new trailer for The Twilight Saga: Eclipse was released today (the full trailer will be out tomorrow), and man alive, does this look fantastic. I don’t want to spoil the surprise but Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson lay down and stare at each other while discussing the impossibility of their love and Jacob has his shirt off. It’s really different from the first two. Different in that Edward looks to be using a different brand of hair product and Jacob is wearing Dockers instead of cutoffs.
There are a lot of ways moms and daughters can bond. Perhaps they could get a manicure together. Participate in a mother-daughter fashion show. Start a book club. Go to the American Girl Place. Or wipe their cooters on a stripper pole in front of the orphan from Growing Pains, if you’re Demi Moore and child. Tell it, NY Post:
Demi Moore gave daughter Rumer Willis a pole-dancing lesson at a party at the Chateau Marmont hotel in Hollywood. A partygoer told Life & Style that the “Striptease” star “even spun around the pole upside down.” Then Rumer gave it a whirl as Ashton Kutcher, Jennifer Aniston and Leonardo DiCaprio cheered her on at the recent bash. “Everyone was cheering, and Leo gave Ashton a high-five,” the source added.
Aw. Tender maternal moments. “No, no, sweetheart. Do it like Mommy. Left leg over right leg, not the other way. You don’t want your breakaway G-string to ride up,” Demi said before licking her finger to scrub away a smudge of dirt from Rumer’s boob.
We should have known by the Boner’s passing that dark stuff was in store for the fruit of the ’80s. In an unsurprising yet still very sad turn of events, Corey Haim was found dead of an apparent drug overdose early this morning. TMZ scoops it:
Corey Haim collapsed in the bedroom of his mother’s apartment and four prescription bottles were found nearby … law enforcement sources tell TMZ.
We’ve learned Corey had been sick the last couple of days with flu-like symptoms. The medications recovered, however, were not related to his illness, sources tell TMZ. We’re told no illicit drugs were found in the apartment.
Sources say Haim got out of bed just before 1 AM and collapsed in front of his mother. She called 911 at 12:53 AM and Corey was taken to the hospital where he was pronounced dead at 2:15 AM.
Corey’s mom told authorities he had been battling prescription drug addiction for years. Authorities believe — though are not certain — Corey died of an accidental drug overdose.
We are confident that when the autopsy report comes back, we’ll find out that it was actually death by stereo.
If the press is to be believed (and it TOTALLY IS), then Gerard Butler is 2006 Colin Farrell with a Scottish accent, and Madonna feeds her ropey tentacles by feeding off the essence of males born after 1973. So it would only make sense that these two eventually fall into each other’s groin-starved clutches. Hollywood Life purports:
Madonna and Gerard Butler would certainly make quite the pair – as they’re both famously sexy flirts. These two perfect matches found each other last night – and spent Oscar night getting down at Madonna’s afterparty, according to someone who was there.
Gerard attended a private bash that Madge, Demi Moore and producer Guy Oseary threw in the Hollywood Hills March 7 – and despite the very late hour, the action was steamy, we’re told. Madonna and Gerard were “all over each other,” one eyewitness tells HollywoodLife.com. “She was putting on the full-court press, totally charming him – and even challenged him to a dance-off! They were grinding in the middle of the room real close and then Demi joined in. It was hot!”
That does sound hot! Especially if your particular fetish is being surrounded by grinning harridans, faces frozen like demonic marionettes, their starved, beef jerky limbs twitching in time to the music, their brittle bones clinking together as they rub their depleted pelvises against a sweaty Scotsman.
Not to be outdone by her model brethren ponying up they biz in Purple, Victoria’s Secret star Alessandra Ambrosio downward dogged on a beach in a bikini. For what purpose? As far as we can tell, she was creating some braille so that her sight-challenged fans could enjoy her work. If you run your finger over her camel toe, it reads “demi cup Bio-Fit uplift lightly padded with adjustable back closure now on sale.”
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is famous for loving her body in a Victoria’s Secret commercial. Irina Lazareanu is famous for toggling Pete Doherty’s clammy pud. Lydia Hearst is famous for having a mom who robbed a bank with a semi-automatic. Eniko Mihalik and Constance Jablonski are not famous. Purple magazine is famous for having models modeling nothing. This sounds like a match made in heaven, especially if heaven is an unheated loft space in Williamsburg where the cocaine flows like wine and there are Dov Charneys lurking, Purple Pie Man-like, ’round every corner.
Click past the cut and you shall be rewarded with a gold star, a juice box, and undernourished model beans.
I’ve been wanting to sue Progressive Insurance because Flo, their spokeswoman, is to me what Mary Hart was to Cosmo Kramer. So Lindsay Lohan is kind of living my dream by suing E*Trade. LOHAN MAYHEM is in full litigious swing! Popeater sez:
Lindsay Lohan is reportedly suing the financial company E-Trade, insisting that the company’s new commercial about a boyfriend-stealing, “milkaholic” baby — who happens to be named Lindsay — was modeled after her. Lohan reportedly wants $100 million. Lohan’s lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, told the newspaper that the actress has the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna. “Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit,” Ovadia said.
I guess I don’t see what the problem is. Being accused of cavorting with men and drinking milk is the nicest thing anyone’s said about Lindsay in years. Anyway, if E-Trade had wanted to use the single name by which Lindsay Lohan is best known, they would have named the baby Firecrotch. Or Coozelips. Or Dame Frecklenuts. Or Stupid.
Lots of young women opt for stereotypical cute tattoos. Jessica Alba has a little bow above her can. Nicole Richie has sweet little angel wings on her back. Drew Berrymore has a butterfly, and Niki Taylor has a dolphin. And Amanda Seyfried has a kitten tattoo. And by that, we mean a pussy tattoo. No, literally. She recently told Glamour mag UK:
“My and my best friend Rachel McDowell, who was in ‘Mamma Mia!’ with me, have matching tattoos, which say ‘Minge’. I’ve never really been a fan of tattoos, but I wanted to see what it felt like. Rachel has a lot of them. Anyway, Colin Firth used to say that word on the set and Rachel had to explain to me what it meant. So it’s on my foot. It’s to make me laugh, and every time I look at it, I do.”
One might even say that Amanda is pussyfooting around. Haw haw.
Taylor Swift is so universally loved that we honestly feel a little guilty about posting this upskirt shot. It’s like pointing out that bunnies are actually indiscriminate whores. But here she is, kicking off her tour last week in Tampa, Florida, with a camera aimed right up into her eye of Sauron. And it’s just like Taylor Swift to wear extra-coverage panties. It’s like she took all the extra fabric cut away to create thongs and fashioned some sort of wienerproof fabric wall between her and the world; a pussyjail of sorts.
The Oscars happened. Usually we live Tweet such hoe-downs, but last night was so boring and predictable that we didn’t even feel the need. Here are the highlights:
- Crazy Vicki Lawrence-looking lady bum rushing the stage and pulling a Kanye West during the best documentary acceptance speech
- The fact that T-Bone Burnett is actually James Cameron in sunglasses
- Steve Martin making a joke about The Jerk and Gabby Sidibe’s mom pointing at him like, “Ha, you! You, I like!”
- The utter fear and alarm in Kristen Stewart’s eyes as she looked at the aged Brat Pack
- Kathryn Bigelow being the first lady to win Best Director
- Pretending she was actually winning for Point Break
Click past the cut for the full list of winners, and pictures of dresses. Spoiler: Charlize Theron has rosettes on her yabbos.
We’ve been neglecting the all-important 8-13 demographic lately, but damn it if Justin Bieber hasn’t been toeing the line and keeping his nose clean lately. So instead, we turn to Twilight and its cache of celibate Mormon monsters. A preview of the new trailer for The Twilight Saga: Eclipse was released today (the full trailer will be out tomorrow), and man alive, does this look fantastic. I don’t want to spoil the surprise but Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson lay down and stare at each other while discussing the impossibility of their love and Jacob has his shirt off. It’s really different from the first two. Different in that Edward looks to be using a different brand of hair product and Jacob is wearing Dockers instead of cutoffs.
