The Hollywood Poop

Sandra Bullock has it all. An Oscar, a charitable heart, a good sense of a humor, a face that curiously resembles Michael Jackson, and the love of a good man. Except maybe not that last part. According to the newest issue of In Touch, Jesse James might have had a long affair with a “tattoo model” (what’s that?) proving that corny motorcycle tuff guys will always long for Suicide Girls.

While Jesse [James] has had an 11-month affair, including five weeks of sex, with Michelle “Bombshell” McGee, she believed he and Sandra [Bullock] were no longer together. “I would never have hooked up with him if I thought he was a married man,” Michelle tells In Touch in an exclusive interview. “He gave me the impression they were separated.” For weeks, while Sandra was in Atlanta shooting The Blind Side, Michelle had sex at least once a week with the Monster Garage star.

While Jesse was in Atlanta with Sandra when she started to film The Blind Side, Michelle sent West Coast Choppers a friend request because she hoped to snag a modeling gig there.  “[Jesse] started saying, ‘Do you want to hang out?’” So a week after he got in touch, Michelle drove two hours from her San Diego home to West Coast Choppers in LA. After taking Michelle on a tour of his garage, Jesse brought her into his office and locked the door. “We ended up on the couch,” she says. “He wanted to watch movies, but I asked him, ‘What’s going on with you and Sandra?’” Jesse was evasive. “He said, ‘She doesn’t live here. She has a house in Austin. She is filming, and I can’t talk about it.’” Assuming he and Sandra were separated, Michelle continued talking to Jesse, she says, and then, “We had intimate relations.” Michelle says she and Jesse had sex “two or three times,” that night — and began what she believed was a serious relationship, texting each other several times a day, and meeting up for sex at least twice a week for the next five weeks.

. . . Michelle even says she called Jesse, who didn’t wear underwear or condoms, by a special pet name, Vanilla Gorilla, because he was so “well-endowed.”

Well, you know what this means. The Butterscotch Stallion and the Vanilla Gorilla will have to enter the ring and go head to head to determine who is the most gloriously-flavored beast. The Stallion boasts a majestic, glimmering mane, but can he beat the sheer brute power and naturally bean-flavored intelligence of the Gorilla, or will they combine forces to create a most delicious Starbucks syrup shot?