Carmen Electra must be a fan of the Babysitters' Club books, because she has adopted their idea of carrying around a kit conducive to success. But while Kristy, Stacey, Mary Ann, Claudia and the gang had Kid Kits full of toys and coloring books, Carmen Electra totes a sex kit full of erotic accouterments. She gives the following tips to readers in the new issue of Cosmopolitan:

"Keep a sexiness kit in the car or in a drawer at work with the essentials in it - perfume, lip gloss and a pair of heels because they'll help you better showcase your legs. Knowing you look hot also boosts your all-around confidence."

Hmmm. So we kinda understand the mechanics of Carmen's sex kit. You lube up the heel of the shoe with the lip gloss before inserting it into the orifice of your choice, right? So where does that leave the perfume? Some sort of new age aromatherapy contraception? Diabolical. more »

Have you, like us, stayed up nights wondering why we saw a roughly 73% decrease in the volume of Britney Spears pictures in recent months? Turns out it's because instead of going on 'buckies runs twelve times a day, she's been staying up nights rubbing her phone on her cooter. That is what phone sex means, right? Star magazine reports that Brit's been reaching out and touching Kevin Federline via AT&T:

There's no trouble with Britney Spears's phone connection!

Earlier this week, the pop star met her ex-husband Kevin Federline in court, where Britney was granted "expanded" visitation rights of their children. But their interaction hasn't been limited to court appearances — Britney and Kevin are in regular contact. In fact, they've been having weekly steamy phone sex sessions.

Recently, when Britney was having a sleepless night, she decided to call Kevin at nearly 2 a.m. While they initially chatted about their boys — Preston, 2, and Jayden, 20 months — the conversation shifted. And as Britney hoped, Kevin knew exactly how to tire her out — with hours of erotic talk!

"They have phone sex often — at least once a week," an insider tells Star. "The one thing those two have in common is their need for sex, and after they get going, there are no holds barred."

Exactly how many steps does it take to get from "chatting about their boys" to phone sex? Was there some sort of logical transition there? Or does Britney have a pacifier fetish? You know what, scrap those questions; we don't want to know. We're just going to ignore this story and pretend that Brit and Kev still want to rip each other's bowels out with their teeth. Yeah, that's less disturbing. more »

Lindsay Lohan just can't catch a break. No one in Hollywood wants to work with her. They're probably worried that she'll steal all their shit. Nikki Finke reports:

Lohan has been un-attached from the independent feature The Manson Girls, written and to be directed by Matthew Bright, and produced by Elie Samaha, Donald Kushner, and Brad Wyman through Junction Films. Production was slated to commence in early July for five weeks in Los Angeles, and everybody was pleased that Lohan was attached back in March. (Some may, or may not, view this true life crime film for her as hitting bottom. Lindsay was to play the part of Nancy Pitman, a pampered surfer girl who became enthralled with Charlie Manson.) But people associated with the movie told agents that Lohan quickly became more of a deficit than an asset when they discovered that they couldn’t find any name actresses who wanted to co-star with her. (And even some name actors...) So now Lindsay is off the pic -- but not for the excuses being circulated. Let this be a lesson... Behaving badly may get you on the covers of celebrity-obsessed mags and tabloids. But Hollywood won't tolerate your shit and shouldn't.

Wait. Lindsay Lohan isn't qualified to play the part of a drugged-out young girl with an unhappy home life who has really, really bad taste in men? They do know we're talking about Lindsay Lohan, right, and not Lindsay Wagner? Do the producers really have that little faith in the remains of Lindsay's once-promising acting abilities? Did that many people actually see I Know Who Killed Me? more »

Now that multiple births have replaced Strawberry Quik cocaine as Hollywood's drug of choice, the extracurricular activities of the rich and famous has changed as well. Going out to exclusive clubs and getting VIP bottle service and then doing a celebrity guest DJ night is so passe. The hot new haps is digging out the old Milton Bradleys and making a night of it. Reports our hard-hitting Uno referee, FemaleFirst:

Paris Hilton isn't the first celebrity to confess a love of games. Pregnant Jessica Alba recently revealed she has been spending hours playing family card game Apples to Apples, while Kanye West played classic children's game Connect Four on his European tour and even challenged Beyonce Knowles to a tournament."

Paris said: "When I was younger I loved to go out, but now that I'm in a really great relationship it's so much more fun to stay at home. We don't really like to go out. We have game night where friends come over and play Monopoly."

So she's swapped partying for Monopoly. What has she traded having indiscriminate sex for? Probably Cootie! since it's full of the buggy, crabby goodness for which her vagina is so infamous. Or maybe Parcheesi, if she's in a yeasty kind of mood. more »

Eva Mendes recently graduated from rehab, and she wants to make damn sure we all know that she is 100% OK. According to various academic texts like the Bible, Introduction to Modern Physics, and Choose Your Own Adventure #45: You Are a Shark, the best way to do this is by showing your boobs. Eva did just that in the latest issue of Italian Vogue. After the cut, jugs! Jugs filled with sobriety! more »

Remember how Paris Hilton called Kim Kardashian's ass "cottage cheese inside a big trash bag" and then was all like, "Haha, that was so totally a joke. I love Kim. She's hot. I'd love to bury my face in that cheese and slurp it up" or something to that effect? And then Kim was like, "We're cool. I'm not mad. LYLAS, BFF 4-EVA." What she was really thinking was, "I hope a rat crawls into your vagina and eats you from the inside, you fake whore," though she tries to keep up the pro-Paris sham by writing about her cellulite removal on her official website:

With all of this cellulite talk you guys must think I've got it bad! For the record, it's really not that bad at all! Just a little junk in the trunk! ;) Here is how it all got started...

This Sunday of Keeping Up With The Kardashians you will get to see my super cute idea for my one year anniversary gift for Reggie. I wanted to think of something unique and special, not something anyone could just go out and buy! I came up with the idea to make him a calendar! (You can see pictures from the shoot on this post!)

I only had a few weeks of preparation so I had to think fast! I asked my dear friend Troy Jensen, who is a make up artist, hair stylist and photographer if he could help me out! It was fierce!!! We had the best shoot ever! It was so different from anything I have ever done!

In order to make this the hottest shoot ever, I had to get in shape! I worked out like crazy. It felt good... but then, my sisters and I went to the American Laser Center for our usual laser hair removal (I recommend this to everyone as well!) and the nurse informed us of a cellulite treatment called VelaShape.

You have got to read about it! It is basically a non-surgical device that massages the needed area and stimulates the blood circulation so that it minimizes cellulite. I only had time for one treatment, but I am definitely planning to go back for more!

Three months ago my sisters and I visited the American Laser Center and did a VelaShape treatment, and we filmed the entire process!

Of course, now that the episode is about to air, the American Laser Center released a press statement saying we went there for the treatment, and now everyone is assuming I am secretly hurt by Paris' comments about me having cellulite and I am now rushing to try to do anything I can to get rid of it!

Well of course that is not the case! This treatment was done months before her joking around and I wouldn't have filmed the process if this was something I was insecure or embarrassed about!

I work out extremely hard and am happy with my shape... cellulite, not so much!

LOL... What girl doesn't have a little bit of cellulite. And who wants it, anyway!

Sure, Kim says that to the public to appear all nice and sweet, but we're sure that her weekend plans include picking up this issue of The National Enquirer:

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Once upon a dream, Liv Tyler was everybody's fantasy lady. People overlooked the fact that she creepily resembled her father, only with boobs, and she slurred her way into our hearts in Empire Records and other such films. And she may be poised for a comeback, since apparently she and her husband are on the rocks. Reports IMDb/WENN:

Liv Tyler has left question marks hanging over her marriage to British rocker Royston Langdon, after posing at New York's Costume Institute Gala on Monday night without a wedding ring. The couple married in March 2003, and have a three-year-old son, Milo. But sources claim the relationship has been on the rocks for some time; rumors seemingly confirmed when Tyler strolled the red carpet alone at the star-studded event, with a clearly naked ring finger - the same night Scarlett Johansson was showing off her brand new engagement ring. When contacted by the New York Daily News, a representative for Tyler, 30, refused to comment on the speculation surrounding her marriage.

We hear this came about after Liv woke up one day, realized it wasn't 1996, and said, "Wait, I'm married to the guy from Spacehog? Hahahahahahahaha! No, but seriously. Really? Ahahahahahahahaha!"

UPDATE: Confirmed! more »

Ashlee Simpson has finally cracked the code to success. She's tried and tried, to no avail, getting engaged, toying with the public's minds over a possible wee Wentz in the womb, but those tactics haven't helped sell records. But you know what works every time? Boobs. Put some nice juicy jugs in a man's face, and he's sure to buy your record. And we thought Ash never took big sis's advice (well, other than every good older sister's passed-down wisdom: "You can't get pregnant if you do it in the butt." Or was that just our sister?). Those Simpsons sure know how to use a set of sweater stuffers to their advantage. And if that doesn't work, maybe a quickie wedding will do the trick. Ash can't let Mimi steal all the profiteering publicity. Reports Hollyscoop:

Ashlee Simpson has a lot on her plate, a new album, a baby on its way and a wedding. The singer is set to have a shotgun wedding next weekend in California to her rocker beau Pete Wentz.

A source close to the couple has told Hollyscoop exclusively, "The wedding invitations have been sent out, its taking place the weekend of May 16. The location will not be revealed until the day of the wedding but guests are told it will be an hour drive from Los Angeles."

Our source also confirmed that Ashlee is 100% pregnant. Papa Joe is probably busy selling off the wedding info and pictures as we speak so expect to see it in the tabloids Memorial weekend.

You know what? We don't really care if Ashlee and Petey are getting married next week or next millennium, and we also don't care about the occupation of Ashlee's womb. We know gossip has been a little sparse lately, but c'mon! It's bikini season. Where are the dastardly waves plotting to wash away famous ladies' tops? Is Kate Moss the only lady of importance who goes to nude beaches anymore? We appreciate Ashlee throwing us the boob bone here, but knowing that her cavernous casabas come from a need for publicity and not a true love of funbag flaunting sort of ruins it. Plus, she's with Pete. Two boobs in one photo are enough for us.