The Hollywood Poop

Paris Hilton has a long record of truth-telling, like when she told Larry King she’d never done drugs when on this site alone there exists about a trillion pictures of her smoking weed. Or that time she said her sex tape devastated her and she had nothing to do with leaking it but then was seen happily picking up royalty checks for it. Listen, Paris, no one will stand for your claptrap twaddle any longer, and that includes the Las Vegas police department, who are formally charging you with felony drug possession after your coke arrest. Hollywood Gossip reports:

Before Paris Hilton’s arrest, she said she was “extremely embarrassed” and asked the officer if she could go to the bathroom at the nearby Wynn Hotel.

At the hotel, Paris told the cop she needed lip balm so he handed Paris her purse and “As she began to open it, I saw a small bindle of what I believed to be cocaine in a clear baggie begin to fall from the purse and into my hand.”

Paris claimed the purse was not hers and that she had borrowed it from a friend. The cop questioned Paris about the cocaine and apparently, Paris gave an odd answer: “She said she had not seen it, but now thought it was gum.”

Paris says the cocaine was “probably her girlfriend’s.”

I’m so glad Paris carries her cocaine in a bindle. I hope she takes care to wrap it tight when she’s whittling nickels while riding the Chesapeake Western to North River Gap. That’s Ole Possum Joe’s line, and he don’t take kindly to newcomers tramping on his turf, see.

Say you were arrested twice in one month on suspicion of drug possession. And say, just hypothetically-like, that these two drug busts happened in other parts of the world. Maybe, oh, I don’t know, South Africa and Corsica. We’ll say those two, just for kicks. And say that because of something–could be dumb luck, could be because you’re in the public eye and you’re insanely wealthy because you’re the heir to a hotel fortune–the charges are dropped and you get off scot-free. What do you do? See, if it were me, I’d thank the stars, stay home, and for the love of all that is good and holy stop carrying drugs around. But not Paris Hilton! She’s special. Yahoo! News says:

Paris Hilton was arrested late Friday after a police motorcycle officer smelled marijuana smoke wafting from a black Cadillac Escalade driven by her boyfriend [Cy Waits] on the Las Vegas Strip, then found cocaine in her purse, authorities said.

Police later found a substance in Hilton’s purse that tests showed to be cocaine, Martin said. He said it was “a small amount” of the drug, a package of the size usually associated with personal use.

Hilton was arrested on suspicion of felony cocaine possession.

Waits, 34, was arrested on misdemeanor suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

If convicted of the low-grade felony, Hilton would get probation. Any violation of probation would be punishable by one to four years in Nevada state prison.

I guess it’s true what they say–trends really do come and go in cycles. Lindsay and Paris in jail, it’s just like 2007 again! Audioslave is totally going to reunite. Right after I vote for Sanjaya on American Idol.